What is this?!

Hi.

I think it's important to start off with who I am, what this is and why I'm doing it.

Who the hell am I?

I'm Tarzi, 31 years old, mother of two, wife, nurse. I have breast cancer (the right breast if you care or are super nosey). Its triple negative, grade 3, so treatment is super intense and although I smile and laugh, it fucking sucks.

What on earth is this?

This is a space to moan about the shallow side of chemotherapy that I never hear anyone talk about. I think its a bit taboo to moan about feeling ugly or losing eyelashes because we should just be grateful that we are being treated. Well fuck that, we don't have to feel ugly ever and there are ways to feel like yourself again. I tirelessly search the internet for solutions to my shallow problems and I'll share them right here.

Why am I sitting on the internet writing a blog about it?

I'm doing this because I want it to be ok to be upset about losing your confidence, not feeling attractive, finding it hard to look in the mirror, and hating being in public. We don't have to sit and just take it, accept it, or be quiet about it, it is a huge part of our identity. Your hair is the hat you never take off, seeing your scalp is a wildly surreal experience. I also want to find and share what's out there that can help in different shallow categories. Whenever I tried to find anyone else who spoke about feeling like this I found nothing, so even if one person finds this and feels heard then good. Also even if you don't have cancer, some of this stuff is a must have, you're welcome.

What do I want to moan about as an introduction to my shallow solutions? BEING PALE.

Everyone's experience is very different, when I found out I had cancer I didn't sleep, I felt unwell, my appetite suffered and I looked like shit. Then chemo comes along and, for me, so did the nausea. Looking all pale and like I was going to vomit made the whole cancer thing really real because I looked like an unwell Victorian child. Lets not forget the steroids - STAY OUT OF THE SUN. So when you really want to sit out and get some colour to counteract the whole sick look, you can't, you have to be so careful. Disclaimer, I never wanted to look like I had cancer, which in hindsight is hilarious because its so obvious, but, I think I just never wanted to look sick and for it to feel real.

Enter my best friend, she will be a common mention so get to love her because she is here to stay. "Tarzi I've bought you some bronzer, it's amazing". It wasn't even my birthday she is just thoughtful like that. I'd never heard of this bronzer before and never used anything like it, what a game changer. The Isle of Paradise sunny serum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This stuff is the gift that keeps on giving, not only does it give you the healthiest of glows, it also has loads of good stuff in it like Niacinamide, Squalane, and Jojoba Oil, so it hydrates and nourishes as well. I will demonstrate with a photo of me looking healthy, which without it, I do not. My best friend applies it where you would normally apply bronzer, because she has not lost her mind. I on the other hand, being unhinged, put this stuff all over my face and it doesn't make me look ridiculous. Now I have days where I apply it "normally" and my insane days where it goes all over, but both ways I just look healthy as heck.

Haha, how awkward.

When I can't be bothered to blend or make much of an effort I turn to my most special bit of kit, my Dior bronzer. She is a beautiful princess who cares only about making my bronzing experience easy and magical. All Dior make up I've ever used has been a pleasure, and it makes me feel like a fancy bitch.

Long story short, you don't have to feel pale and icky, having cancer is a constant shit feeling and this doesn't have to add to it. Budget, expensive and everything in between there are lots of great things out there.

Anyway, there are lots of bronzers I swear by, here are my favourites if you want them :

My favourite , the sunny serum.

https://www.stylink.it/Zqw7DspjaPm #Ad

Listen, she's spenny but she's elite. For when you're feeling fancy. You deserve it.

https://www.stylink.it/lgGm4tMlNMQ #Ad

Ummm, they work for me, check ingredients etc in case you are allergic and all that jazz, and always talk to your medical team before trying anything new that might affect your treatment. I am not responsible if your skin breaks out or you hate the product. The links are affiliate links so I earn commission when items are purchased through my links.